The Inner Workings of Q’s Mind

I like to think I’m a rather introspective person.  In the past few years, at the very least, I've gained an uncanny insight into myself, how I think, how I operate, who I am as a person.  Its useful, for sure.  I can identify character flaws (sometimes) and try and weed them out.  I can notice good things about myself (you know, on the odd occasion that I actually find something worthwhile), and try to accentuate said behaviors.  And if people ask me about myself, I can be refreshingly honest in my assessment…to both my benefit and detriment, I’d suspect.

However, its not always a good thing to be so introspective.  I do end up questioning myself, my motives, and my assumed truths.  It’s a constant battle in my brain to try and figure out what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, why I feel or think this way…I’m a very introspective person, but its hard to turn it off and just let things happen.

But that’s all very general, and not particularly exciting.  And, in typical me fashion, I just wasted two paragraphs talking about something very basic and not actually getting to my point…what I really wanted to discuss.  One thing I've learned about myself is that I have a very methodical mind.  It works deliberately…at a certain pace.  I’m not very good ON THE SPOT, but if given a minute or two to think things through, I’ll come up with what I want to say, how I want to say it, and generally can convey what I wish.  If you’re ever talking to me, and notice me looking up…usually to the left…that’s me thinking and processing…preparing a response. 

This actually all goes back to Representational Systems and eye accessing cues.  Basically, Representational Systems is a neuro-linguistic programming model that examines how the mind processes information.  It states that information is processed through the senses.  Thus people say one talks to oneself (the auditory sense) even if no words are emitted, one makes pictures in one's head when thinking or dreaming (the visual sense), and one considers feelings in the body and emotions (known as the kinesthetic sense).

You can generally tell two things about people in the way their eyes move when asked to recall something that happened in the past…the first is through what sense people are using to access the information.  People who look up are visualizing the memory (visual), people who look straight left or right are listening to the memory in their head (auditory), and people who look down are searching for their feelings on the memory (kinesthetic).  The general belief being that everyone is stronger in one area of memory.  Personally, I’m a visualizer...you’ll very often find me looking up when accessing a memory…I’m seeing it and trying to describe what I see in my head.  Of course, not everything can be visualized.  If someone asks me, “what were you feeling last night when we were talking,” I’ll be more inclined to look down, access those feelings, since visualizing a feeling is not quite so useful.

Second, and I probably shouldn't tell you guys this, but you can also use eye accessing cues to tell if someone is lying.  Generally speaking, when someone is recalling a memory (aka, remembering something that actually happened), they will look to the left (and up, sideways or down based on how they access information).  If they are constructing a memory (aka, thinking of their dream home, or changing the memory they are talking about), they will look to the right.  Of course, this isn't true for everyone, but is just a general rule of thumb.  Don’t automatically assume someone is making shit up just because they looked down and to the right…for some people, it’s reversed, and for some people, these patterns do not exist.  Just watch people when they think, and you should get a pretty good feeling for what their non-verbal communication is telling you.  Then you can use this information to more deeply connect with that person.  If you can figure out how a person access information, you can communicate with that person on a much more even level.

Wow, look at me, getting off topic again.  I’d apologize, but I actually really enjoy talking about this kind of stuff, so you get to read about it!  You've also gained a little bit of insight into the things I read about, the things I tend to teach myself, etc.  Its fun!  Anyways, as this applies to me, I’m a visual guy…I’ll remember pictures in my head and go from there.  However, my brain also takes time to process what I’m seeing, and I’ll tend to flick out for a bit while I do so.  It’s nothing personal, I promise…and its something I’m working on (constant improvement is something I’m always striving for).

Ultimately, where I’m going with this (2 pages later), is that I've learned that I have a methodical, logical mind.  It works at one speed.  It doesn't tend to speed up (except in times of crisis…my brain can process what’s going on and slow things down as needed*).  When I tend to not think things through before I speak, I say stupid things, I forget things, I’m not as attentive to detail or as courteous or polite as I’d like to be.  It’s generally a bad thing.  I need to go through my mental lists…remember past conversation, respond to what they said, compliment them on something, stop talking about yourself, this is what your blog is for…things like that.  It’s why I've always been better through text messages than on the phone…better writing a paper than giving a speech…you get the picture.

*Actually reminds me of a Scrubs episode where JD is having problems working in a triage setting.  Whenever an emergency has to be reacted to immediately and quickly, he freezes up.  He’s a brilliant doctor, head of his class…but in the moment, he can’t slow things down and process things quickly enough.  His friend (sometimes girlfriend…eventual wife) Elliott isn't fazed by the emergency situation, and teaches him how to slow things down by just taking a deep breath, and then trusting himself.  Pretty cool episode.  Great series, really…I highly recommend it.

I remember as a kid playing card games with my friends.  I was very good at games like spades or hearts or gin rummy…games where everyone takes a turn, and I can plan out strategy, and take my time to react to what was played by my opponent before I take my move (actually, this sounds a lot like chess, which I'm terrible at...go figure).  My sister was always better at games like speed or slap jack, where you are just seeing things and instantly reacting to them (slapping piles, playing cards in common piles, real time gameplay).  Drove me nuts.  I’d see it, but then I’d go “hmmm, you know, I should play my King there…oh, Erin played one…well, whats next...” and all hope would be lost.  Which is funny, since I played sports growing up, still do today, and you need to be able to process information, quickly, in a real time setting to do so.  But, say, with baseball, I've been playing long enough that I know what to expect.  I also go through my head, before each pitch, “ok, if the ball comes to me, where am I going with it.”  That way, I've already thought things through, and know what I’m doing!  I’d be a terrible QB…

OK (ok, ok, ok), what do I want to take away from all of this meandering writing?  Well, first, that I can get sidetracked very, very easily, it seems (see: discussion on eye accessing cues, discussion on Scrubs).  But you knew that already.  It’s part of my charm!  I’d hope I've given people some insight into how my brain works…that if I’m looking up during a conversation, I’m not disinterested, or bored, or trying to make shit up, I’m just processing and determining the proper response.  My brain works deliberately, so give me a chance to think things through and I’ll respond.  Also, if you see me looking intently into your eyes, I’m just learning a little bit about you, and how your brain works!  At least, that’s the goal.  Or maybe I just like your eyes!  I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Finally, this entire blog was a way to sort out my jumbled brain for a bit.  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and really, a lot of talking.  I feel like conversations with me can be a bit, what’s the word I’m looking for, laborious.  Like, we’ll definitely get where we want to go, but it might take some time; and I may take a few maddening pauses before I speak.  I wonder if there’s a way to fix this.  Maybe a speech and debate class at a JC?  One where I have to think on my feet and respond to what others are saying?  Or maybe I just need to go out into the masses and start up random conversations!  I’m not very good at that…another thing to improve upon.  Ultimately, I need to figure out how to speed up my otherwise talented brain. 

Wow, this post turned a little more general in nature than I had originally planned on.  But, as can be the case when I touch on a topic that interests me, I can ramble on a bit.  Also, talking about the way my own brain works is a short, boring post...the background information is what makes it interesting!  At least to me.  And, as I've said all along...I write this blog for my own amusement, if anyone else is amused, that's just a bonus!

Huh, I wrote this entire thing in 25 minutes...maybe my brain is working just fine after all!