Replacing Big Red

Note: This post is not to be confused with a post of the name The Ballad of Big Red from 2011 talking about my truck.  I'm not sure why I called that previous post The Ballad of Big Red, as I never actually called my truck Big Red...it always referred to the subject below!

I remember back to a simpler time.  A time, in my past, when my sense of style was, shall we say, nonexistent.  Shorts, T-Shirt, and a Sweatshirt was the typical Q attire.  And when I say A sweatshirt, I mean only one.  Because, you see, back in these simpler times, I was a one sweatshirt man...and the sweatshirt that was the apple of my eye, was Big Red!

Sometimes guest-writer for this esteemed blog Chaz can chime in on this...he has been around for some of Big Red's most esteemed accomplishments.  But please don't ask him about Big Red...he'll probably unleash a steady stream of obscenities about my choice in style throughout our travels a few years back.  A typical pre-Vegas conversation would likely sound like this...

Q: Time to pack for Vegas! What are we wearing...sport coats, jeans, do we want to do full suits?

Chaz:  DON'T BRING BIG RED!

Q: Oh come on!  I won't wear it in the evenings...but during the day who gives a shi....

Chaz:  No, fuck that sweatshirt. Do not bring that fucking thing!

Chaz would usually win for Vegas trips...but not for anything else.  Actually, one of the favorite pictures ever taken of Fat Me was taken by Chaz, on one of our adventures, while I'm wearing big red!

God damn, what a monster I was...although I do miss the chin fuzz.  And that sweatshirt.  But this is a phenomenal shot!  Man, I really need to get back to the Grand Canyon.  But, as you can see, Big Red and I were rarely parted.  And it was possible for me to look good in it!  You just had to shoot in the right light, at the right angle, and with one of the most stunning backgrounds mother nature ever came up with!

Big Red is an XXL sweatshirt.  But this was no ordinary XXL sweatshirt.  I was swimming in it at the peak of my physical anti-fitness (I'm going to use that term from now on...deal with it).  I mean, it was giant.  It looks like a dress on me now.  But my oh my, was this the most comfortable sweatshirt I've ever owned.  It was roomy, it was warm, but not too warm (since younger me was a walking furnace)...it just, it was my comfort blanket.  You know when babies (or 29-year old "adults") have their favorite stuffed animals, or a dog has his favorite toy, or a kid has their favorite blanket that keeps them safe from thunderstorms?  Well, Big Red was my comfort zone when out and about.  I just felt at home.

But Chaz was right.  It's a ratty old sweatshirt!  It's not particularly stylish (not that I ever cared all that much...I seem to much more these days...I guess we all grow up), it has holes in it...its just not a very good looking piece of clothing.  And now that I am half the man I used to be (well, not literally, but you get the picture), it is far too big for me.  Big Red will never be worn by me ever again.  And this makes me unbearably and irrationally sad.

For the last year or so, I've been on the hunt for Big Red's replacement.  Have you ever tried to replace your first pet?  I mean, at first you think you'll never find an animal as amazing as that first kitty that curled up in your lap and purred until you both fell asleep.  You'll see other kitties, but nothing ever shakes that pain away.  Until one day, a cute little kitten comes up to you, mews at you, and your heart melts...and you know you're in for it again.  This new kitty doesn't "replace" your first kitty, but he fills that small hole in your heart just the same.  This is the perfect analogy for my search.

The search for Big Red's replacement has gotten me quite the wardrobe.  I have a sweet peacoat, a brand new wool coat, a couple zip up hoodies, and an old hoodie I dug out of the pile of clothes in what used to be my room in Morgan Hill.  And while they all serve a purpose (and I do rather love them...especially that peacoat...my god does that thing look good.  I don't even need to bathe or shave when I throw that thing on!  Sigh...no, I can't back that up...but it is a nice coat), none of them were that comfortable security blanket I can wear around and just feel at home.

This weekend, I found it.  Let me present to you the new sweatshirt that I will be living in for the foreseeable future!

It was truly love at first sight!  I saw it, there were only two left in the store, and one was in my size (Large and in charge, baby!).  Tried it on, and it was roomy without being a dress on me.  It was comfortable in a way I hadn't felt since Big Red.  And it had an orange logo, orange strings, and an orange hood liner.  Could you think of anything more perfect for me???

We will be hosting a funeral for Big Red at a date and time TBD.  I will certainly let everyone know what's going on, and if you want to be a part of the send off, let me know (there will be fire involved, so it will be entertaining!).  Welcome my new sweatshirt to the family!  It really needs a name, though.  Thoughts?