The 9th Day of Patmas

On the 9^th Day of Patmas, I give to you…9 Christmas Villains!

Christmas is a time for storytelling.  From the religious stories of Jesus’ birth, to the story of Santa Claus, to favorites like the Grinch or all our favorite movies…there are plenty of stories to go around!  Christmas stories always end up with a heartwarming message, a victory for the good guys, or some other way to fill us with Christmas cheer…but what about the other side of it?  No story is complete without the bad guys!  Every good story needs good vs. evil, right vs. wrong, faces vs. heels. 

There have been some classic villains over the years in our Christmas stories.  Today, we take a look at 9 of them, and see where our favorite Christmas stories would be without them!

1.  Ebenezer Scrooge – Bah! Humbug!  A famous phrase for those who aren’t feeling the Christmas Spirit, born from one of the most famous Christmas villains of all time.  Ebenezer Scrooge is the principal character in Charles Dickens's 1843 novel, A Christmas Carol.  Scrooge hated Christmas, hated people…he hated life, really.  He was a lonely man who lost himself in work, cared only about money, and was brutal to those around him.  Dickens describes him thus: "The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, made his eyes red, his thin lips blue, and he spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice ..."  

Scrooge was given a chance at redemption, though!  Lucky guy!  His old partner, Jacob Marley, comes to warn him of the fate that awaits him in the afterlife, and alerts him to three spirits to come his way later that night (Christmas Eve).  The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future show Scrooge how wrenched his life had been, what people think about him now, and what he is doomed to become!  In the end, REDEMPTION!  Scrooge has a change of heart, loves his fellow man, celebrates Christmas, and treats those around him with love and respect.  When you open your heart to the Christmas Spirit, good things happen!

2.  King Herod - The Romans appointed King Herod as King of Judea in 37 BC.  The Romans also gave Herod the title 'King of the Jews' because of the Jewish population he ruled.  The Bible shapes the popular conception we now have of Herod as a King who was proud of his title and would do anything to keep it.  The birth of a new King of the Jews threatened Herod's position.  In response, legend has it that he ordered the massacre of newborn babies of Bethlehem in order to take out any future challengers to his throne.

Whether this is a true story or not is up for debate.  The bible only mentions this once, a single line in the Gospel of Matthew:  “Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently inquired of the wise men.” (Mathew 2:16).  That’s it.  Historians of the time make no mention of it at all, which is slightly odd.  Of course, with Bethlehem being so small, the number of 0-2 year olds at any given time would have been around 10…hardly a large enough number to be of note.

Either way, King Herod was definitely believed to be capable of such an act.  And in the story of Jesus’ birth, his jealousy over a new King of the Jews forced the Holy Family to escape to Egypt for a few years to avoid Jesus being massacred.  King Herod is the biggest villain of the story of Jesus’ birth, and is definitely worthy of note in this list.

3.  The Abominable Snowman – The Bumble!  A large, ferocious yeti who is the main antagonist of the TV Special “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.”  He pursues Hermey and Rudolph throughout their adventure.  The sight of Rudolph's glowing red nose drives Bumble into a rage.  Sam the Snowman also explains that the monster hates everything to do with Christmas.  Later, the Abominable Snow Monster captures Rudolph and his family at his cave.  Yukon and Hermey come to the rescue by knocking the monster unconscious and extracting all his teeth.  Near the end of the film he has a change of heart, and he is seen putting the star on top of the Christmas tree and becoming a part of Christmastown.

The Bumble is a mean, vicious beast.  He hates Christmas, although its never understood why.  But he loves pork!  This ends up being to his detriment, as Hermey’s oinking drew the Bumble out of his cave, where Yukon Cornelius dropped some rocks on him, knocking him out so Rudolph could save the women trapped by him!  After going over the cliff with him, Yukon and the Bumble hit it off, and the Abominable Snowman has a change of heart!  He proves to be very useful around the workshop, too, due to his massive size (he puts a star on top of a giant Christmas Tree!).  Apparently it was the teeth making him angry, as a toothless Bumble sure does seem eager to fit in!  Yet another classic Christmas story of redemption!

4.  Grýla – We discussed Grýla back on the 6^th Day of Patmas, so she definitely deserves a spot here.  Grýla is, in Icelandic mythology, a horrifying monster and a giantess living in the mountains of Iceland.  She is said to come from the mountains at Christmas in search of naughty children.  Most of the stories told about Grýla were to frighten children – her favorite dish was a stew of naughty kids and she had an insatiable appetite.  Grýla was not directly linked to Christmas until in the 17th century.  By that time she had become the mother of the Yule Lads.

Gryla is a villain in Iceland, as she is used to scare kids into being good!  She feasts on naughty kids and is generally an unpleasant character!  She is also, however, the mother of the Yule Lads, so she’s an integral part of both the good and villainous sides of Icelandic Christmas mythology!  Look back at the 6^th Day of Patmas for more on Christmas in Iceland.

5.  Marv and Harry – You can’t have one without the other, here, so they get paired up at #5.  Harry Lime and Marv Merchants (aka The Wet Bandits) are the main antagonists of the first two Home Alone films.  They are robbers who steal money and cash, but are also very bad at their job.  They are continually defeated by the child hero of the films known as Kevin - who would proceed to cause all manner of cartoon-like injury to the hapless criminals in defense of his home (at least in the first movie), the two robbers were amazingly determined though and kept on trying to break into the house and capture Kevin but simply continued to be defeated in a string of slapstick-inspired pranks and traps.

Marv and Harry are rather focused criminals…determined to rob the McAllisters’ house in the first film, and determined to get retribution on Kevin when running into him in New York in the second film!  Harry might also be a cannibal, as when they do catch Kevin at the end of the first film, the first thing he wants to do to the kid is bite off his fingers.  Grotesque!  Luckily, before this abomination can occur, he takes a snow shovel to the head and then gets arrested.  Thank god for the South Bend Shovel Slayer!  There is no redemption for this dastardly pair, though.  Just prison.

6.  Scut Farkus – Scut Farkus!  “Scut Farkus!  What a rotten name!  We were trapped.  There he stood, between us and the alley.  Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes.  He had yellow eyes!  So, help me, God!  Yellow eyes!”   Scut might be among the most vile, mean, twisted villains ever to come across our Christmas stories!  A schoolyard and neighborhood bully who terrorizes the town of Hohman, Indiana, Scut is known to scare the kids, make them scream Uncle, and chases around the neighborhood and they walk to and from school. 

Eventually, a fed up Ralphie proceeds to beat up Farkus.  When his toadie, Grover, tries to help Scut, Ralphie punches him, and Grover runs away.  The other kids come and watch, and Randy, Schwartz, and Flick squeeze through the fence to get a better look.  While fighting him, Ralphie starts swearing non-stop, shocking the other kids.  Randy comes with their mom, who pulls Ralphie off of Scut.  After they leave, Scut gets up (albeit with a bloody nose and a loss of pride) and Schwartz and Flick walk away.  This event came to be known as "the Scut Farkus Affair."

7.  Old Man Potter - From the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life”, Henry Potter is known as the meanest and richest man in Bedford Falls.  He is the man responsible for plotting against George Bailey.  A businessman at core, Old Man Potter is known for his greed and manipulative ways of accumulating money.  His plots to make George Bailey’s life miserable all failed when George Bailey was shown a vision by his guardian angel.  Bailey realizes how Bedford Falls would have been without him.  This vision gives him a renewed resolve.  Bailey returns to Bedford Falls and earns the trust and respect of the community.  Bailey becomes Potter’s business rival, but he eventually triumphs over Potter because he holds the respect and admiration of the town.

Potter is a bad dude.  He is a heartless, cold, apathetic, and downright evil man. Everything that Mr. Potter does in the film is motivated by money and greed.  He not only does his damndest to ruin George Bailey’s life, he taunts him mercilessly while doing so!  When George asks for help, Potter replies: “Look at you... you used to be so cocky.  You were going to go out and conquer the world.  You once called me "a warped, frustrated old man"!  What are you but a warped, frustrated young man? A miserable little clerk... crawling in here on your hands and knees and begging for help.”  And he finishes up this scene informing George “You’re worth more dead than alive!”  Brutal.

There is no redemption for this man, as George eventually challenges him and beats him in the business world, and good once again triumphs over evil.  How delightfully Christmas!

8.  Hans Gruber - That Nakatomi Corporation Christmas Party of 1988 sure was one crazy party, huh?  Well, if you didn't make it, you missed the appearance of the internationally-feared German terrorist Hans Gruber and his band of thieves taking over Nakatomi Tower and holding the entire company hostage.  If it wasn't for the NYPD's own John McClane, things might have gotten really out of hand.

Hans Gruber was quite the mastermind, though, assembling a team capable of breaking through a number of high-level security measures to infiltrate the main vault in search of hundreds of millions of dollars of negotiable bearer bonds.  On the way, he personally killed Joseph Takagi, the company CEO, and was deft enough to keep both the hostages and his own crew together while distractions like McClane were running around the building screwing things up for him.  At one point, Hans would find himself on the wrong side of the building, coming face-to-face with McClane himself and pretending to be a company employee.  It wasn't entirely believable, but it was strong enough to buy himself the opportunity to get back with his German compadres.

It was Hans Gruber who anticipated the FBI shutting down the building's power, thereby allowing his gang to open the vault.  It was Hans Gruber who told his right-hand man Karl to "shoot the glass," inflicting further injury to McClane.  And it was Hans Gruber who discovered McClane's wife was among the hostages, setting up a showdown between the thief and the cop with her caught in the middle.  Unfortunately, it was Hans Gruber who fell out a window, ending his felonous plans.  Of all our Christmas villains, he was definitely the smartest!

9.  The Grinch – Yup!  The biggest, baddest, most famous of all the Christmas villains is the Grinch!  He HATED Christmas - the whole Christmas season.  Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason.  It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.  Or it could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right.  But I think that the most likely reason of all... may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.  But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos.

The Grinch, of course, is ultimately a story of redemption!  He steals Christmas, prepares to hurl it off the cliff…but at the last second, he hears the Whos still singing and welcoming Christmas, despite not having any decorations or presents or food.  The Grinch was so filled with Christmas Spirit that his heart grew three sizes, and he became ALL about Christmas.  Kinda goes to show ya, even the coldest and smallest of hearts can be warmed by some good Christmas cheer!

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So, hopefully you all are Christmas heroes instead of Christmas villains this year!  And if you are feeling a little bah humbug as Christmas Day approaches, remember the Grinch, and open your heart to some great Christmas Cheer!