The 7th Day of Patmas

On the 7th Day of Patmas, I give to you…7 Wacky Christmas Songs!

I've highlighted the best of a weak crop of Christmas Songs in last season’s Patmas effort.  This year, I decided to go wacky, and pull up parodies, remakes, and ridiculous original songs about the Christmas season.  They are dark, violent, dangerously crude…and mostly hilarious!  This post definitely has a PARENTAL ADVISORY sticker.

The Night Santa Went Crazy from Weird Al Yankovic - "The Night Santa Went Crazy" is my favorite of Weird Al's Christmas tunes, with its insane take on Soul Asylum's "Black Gold". The reference to Freddy Krueger wins it major brownie points from horror fans, and the homage to Greg Lake's "I Believe in Father Christmas" is inspired. The album version (from 1996's Bad Hair Day) is black comedy gold.  No list like this is complete without a Weird Al song. It’s pretty dark – Santa loses it, shooting up the North Pole, killing most of his reindeer, tying up the elves and dying in a gory shootout at the end (in one version, anyway – in another he just gets 700 years in jail).

Christmas at Ground Zero from Weird Al Yankovic - Al's other yuletide offering is "Christmas at Ground Zero" (from 1986's Polka Party), a Ronettes-style ditty about the end of the world.  Recorded in the mid-'80s, Weird Al isn't singing about New York's Ground Zero in this cheerful, bouncy throwback to holiday songs from the '50s. He is, however, singing about celebrating Christmas during a nuclear holocaust. 

What Do You Get A Wookie For Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb) from Christmas In The Stars - OK so this probably wouldn’t be mentioned in typical music news, perhaps a spin off movies geek review. Yes, what truly makes this song weird is that fact that it is a Christmas Star Wars song. Now tell me that didn’t sound natural like the words – Christmas, Star Wars and song – could EVER go together and seem normal! Basically, all the other characters from the film are sorted but no one can decide on what to get the Wookie high up in that galaxy far, far away! Basically, its strange but I can see why kids might like it. I apologize in advance for how bad this is...

Another Christmas Song from Stephen Colbert’s “A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All” - I could fill this list with Stephen Colbert's fantastic "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All," which features songs by John Legend, Toby Keith, Elvis Costello and others.  This opening number sets the mood of parody/homage to old time Christmas specials that Colbert so clearly adores.

Silver Bells with Steve Martin, Paul Simon, and Billy Joel - Legend has it that this version of "Silver Bells" with Billy Joel on piano, Paul Simon singing, and Steve Martin giving a spoken word Christmas anecdote was borne out of a boozy recording session. To be a fly on the wall during that.

Dick in a Box by The Lonely Island – Well, this one is actually pretty famous.  Justin Timberlake teamed up with Andy Samberg for a "SNL" holiday classic, describing the perfect gift that keeps on giving.

Every Song from “Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics,” a South Park musical holiday episode!  - I could definitely fill this entire list with songs from South Park's holiday special, "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics."  Worth highlighting from "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics" is Eric Cartman's solemn recitation of "O Holy Night" with lyrics adjusted to reflect Cartman's emphasis of pie and presents over Jesus' birth on Christmas.  The duet between Santa and Jesus, the Broflovski family "Driedel" song and Mr. Mackey's "Carol of the Bells" are also noteworthy in their excellence.  But, in the effort of saving space and time, I’ll group them all together here as one entry!  They are pretty freaking hilarious.  Go look up the episode and enjoy!  You’re welcome!

That last one should be a playlist with a majority of the songs on it.  But, really, just find the episode.  Its hilarious!

Anyways, hope you enjoyed that...and aren't too offended!  Tomorrow we're back with more humor...but of the more wholesome variety.  :)