The 1st Day of Patmas

Ah yeah, its December 13^th, so we all know what that means, right?  THE 12 DAYS OF PATMAS ARE BACK!!!  Yup, I’m making it a holiday tradition…at least for as long as I can come up with new posts!  Started in 2010, this will be the 3^rd installment of the popular blog series I run.  One post a day between now and Christmas, bringing to you as much Christmas joy as you can shake a stick at (if that’s your thing).  As always, I will try to keep them different from years past (something that gets harder and harder as the years go by)…with some posts being similar in theme but with new content (like my favorite, the 6^th Day of Patmas).  Well, let’s get started!

On the 1^st Day of Patmas, I give to you…How to Tell if You’re a Grinch!

This year, I’m going to forgo my traditional history based story leading off Patmas in favor of a test I think everyone here needs to take.  It’s a simple, 10 question test which you can score yourself!  The results will reveal how much Christmas Spirit you truly have, or if, indeed, you are a Grinch!  Hopefully this test will prove how ready you all are for the 12 Days of Patmas!

Please be honest with yourself, total your points, and see where you fall at the bottom!  And enjoy!  Christmas is supposed to be fun!

1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).

2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbour's outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbour's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).

3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).

4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.

5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Wal-Mart, or Kmart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each infraction).

6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.

7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party).

8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own (Southern California only, others ignore: 5 points -- nobody but Angelenos are dumb enough to dress a car).

9. After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as homemade (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year).

10. Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no (20 points).

Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.

20-30: You are just a cheeseball.

30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.

50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived.

For full disclosure, I scored a 10, which doesn’t even register on the Grinch scale.  So, surprisingly or not, I am not a Grinch, and therefore fully qualified to present to you something as cheerful as the 12 Days of Patmas!  If you scored over a 30, I plead with you, please let the 12 Days of Patmas infect you with Christmas Spirit!  I promise you, its well worth it!  Also, stop stealing from Toys-for-Tots.  That’s just low…

The 12 Days of Patmas are here!  Hope you’re ready!