Yup, its a Festivus for the rest of us! Two years ago, on the 11th Day of Patmas, I aired 11 grievances I had! Last year, I listed 11 personal feats of strength! However, we would be remiss if we ignored the Festivus Pole for yet another year! The Festivus Pole is a tenant of this glorious holiday!
The Festivus tradition is centered around the display of an unadorned aluminum pole. The Festivus Pole is the ultimate symbol of an anti-christmas holiday, it is plain looking, unencumbered by branches and decorations, and it is relatively inexpensive.
In Seinfeld, Frank Costanza chose the aluminum pole as an opposition to the commercialization of highly decorated Christmas trees, and also because he "finds tinsel distracting."
Kramer: Is there a tree?
Frank Costanza: No. Instead, there's a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.
Frank Costanza: No. Instead, there's a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.
In honor of this great holiday, here follows 11 things you should know about the Festivus Pole!
Decorating tips:
1. DO NOT DECORATE YOUR FESTIVUS POLE!
Festivus Pole Care Tips:
2. You don't really
need to do anything to the pole. Just bring it out at Festivus time, and
display it. When Festivus is over put the pole away in a safe place like a
crawlspace, attic, garage or shed.
3. Don't polish it,
even if it looks dingy. It is suppose to look that way.
4. If the dog pees on
it, then you should probably wash it, but don't polish it.
5. If the pole is
shiny don't worry about reducing it's luster and making it look plainer. That's
too much work.
Festivus Pole Safety Tips:
6. Don't let any of
the guests climb the Festivus Pole.
7. A Festivus pole is
not a "Dancing" pole.
8. During the Feats
of Strength, don't let anyone joust with the Festivus Pole.
9. Actually, its
probably best that the Feats of Strength don't happen anywhere near the
Festivus Pole.
10. If the pole is
outdoors in below zero temperatures, don't let anyone lick the pole. It's
tempting, but don't let them do it!
Festivus Pole Storage Tip:
11. After the celebration is over, it is not uncommon for a pole to be placed in an out-of-the-way place, such as a crawl space.
And there you have it! Now you are all prepared for your Festivus holiday! Now get up in that crawl space, and find yourself a Festivus Pole!
Happy Festivus!
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