The 7th Day of Patmas

On the 7th Day of Patmas, I give to you…7 tolerable Christmas songs.

I’m sorry, this is my least favorite of all the Days of Patmas writings. But, I’m running out of time to pick something, and this is the only thing that came into my head. I almost just reposted one from last year, but last year’s 7th Day was weak also. So, let’s talk Christmas music.

Christmas music is horrible, for the most part.

Alright, good talk! See you tomorrow for something more interesting!

Wait, no, I’ll give you a real post. Christmas music is mostly horrible. However, some of it is tolerable. Mostly, its random songs played either by rock stars, or Run DMC. The best Christmas music there is, though, is Trans-Siberian Orchestra. They are legit. So, this list will have loads of TSO, and then maybe one or two other things. So, let’s begin!

1. Carol of the Bells, originally composed by Mykola Dmytrovych Leontovych – This is actually a pretty epic song…especially Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s version (which is titled “Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24). Actually, “Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24” is my favorite overall Christmas song…by a country mile. It’s epic. Here…I’ll actually post the song. I suggest playing it while you read the rest of this mundane post…it will make the rest of this drivel seem super epic and exciting.



2. “Christmas” by Blues Traveler – This song is somewhat interesting. Blues Traveler is a blue-rock/southern rock band headlined by John Popper on both lead vocals and lead harmonica. They’re actually pretty amazing. Saw them live once in New Orleans, knocked my socks off. This song is an original by them, performed for one of the A Very Special Christmas CDs. I just think it has an interesting sound, a decent message, and some good harmonica! Definitely tolerable.

3. “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC – This song is hilarious. Listen to the lyrics…they almost make sense. However, this song was featured prominently in the beginning of the second best Christmas movie of all time (Die Hard), so it has to make the list! Also, it’s the only mainstream rap Christmas song I know, which makes it at least different from most of the drek people are forced to listen to at this time of year. Plus one in my book.

4. “Wizards in Winter” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra – This is another brilliant instrumental piece by TSO, and one that appeals to me mostly for the very famous YouTube video that was inspired by the song. You know the one, I post it every year (and will again on the 12th day). The house with the epic Christmas lights set to this song. I think that video makes this song better. But the song is good in its own right as well.

5. “Back Door Santa” by Clarence Carter, and as performed by Bon Jovi – (Parental Advisory – I’m talking about a very dirty song, so maybe any parents reading should skip to Number 6. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…) I actually am not sure whether this song is about adultery or buttsex...and this is the kind of intrigue that can get a Christmas song onto any top list of Christmas music I put out! Go find the song and listen to it, and then cast your vote as to what the song is really about. But please, “Back Door Santa” could clearly be a euphemism for the forbidden hole…while lyrics like “I make the little girls happy, while the boys are out to play” makes it sound like a song about adultery. Who knows. The Bon Jovi version is a pretty rocking song in its own right, though…so it definitely had a chance to make the list on its own…even without the mystery.

6. “O Holy Night” composed by Adolphe Adam, and as composed by Mariah Carey – OK, this one is for my mom, to make up for the last one. But seriously, it’s kind of a pretty song. It’s softer, and it builds very nicely throughout. Also, Carey’s voice is freaking perfect for this song. And by the end, she’s seriously belting out some legit power. It’s very impressive. I know, I know…this song is totally not up my alley. It’s a traditional Christmas song. It’s religious. It’s not rock or rap. But whatever, I like it…besides, my music tastes are super varied anyways.

7. “Grinch” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra – We’ll end with one more TSO song. Grinch is a pretty rocking instrumental piece that incorporates sampling of the How the Grinch Stole Christmas song “Welcome Christmas” spliced with original music and the lead singer saying one word, repeatedly, at various intervals…Grinch. It’s just very different, and interesting, while also harkening back to my childhood a bit with the kickback to the Grinch TV special (the one described on the 4th Day). Pretty legit song.

Well, that’s it. If you made it all the way through, congratulations. I barely made it through the writing process of this one. I promise you tomorrow’s 12 Days post will be much more interesting and informative. And the 9th Day is probably my favorite one of the entire year. So, stay tuned!