Today is a FESTIVUS FOR THE REST OF US! A holiday near and dear to my heart. Festivus is a holiday pretty much invented for the show Seinfeld. It's Frank Costanza's alternative to the over-commercialized Christmas holiday. Actually, I should just let those who know it best describe it...
My aluminum Festivus pole is up, my feats of strength are planned for later...now, however, its time for the airing of grievances! I have a lot of problems with you people, and now you're going to hear about them!
1. The over-commercialization of Christmas really gets me; especially the commercials that flood my TV starting in October. The latest fad is to take a popular Christmas song, and change the words to be an advertisement. This really, really bothers me. As you could tell from the 7th day, I don’t care too much for Christmas Music in general, but shit son, leave it alone. I definitely don’t need to hear a butchered, ad-laden version of songs I already don’t like. Ugh. Also, I feel poor now after Christmas Shopping last weekend…but that will be worth it once everyone opens their awesome gifts!
2. The Sharks not winning the Stanley Cup is a huge grievance of mine. They need to win it now. Literally, now. I’m tired of waiting. Too many years of having the talent and coming up short. No more excuses. Just go win the damn thing. Bring San Jose the major sports glory we’ve never had!
3. I don’t have anything to do this New Year Eve yet. I love New Years Eve. And I love going epic places for it. This year, though…nothing. This irritates me. I hate having to save money and plan shit out. I just want to travel whenever I want. Is that so hard to understand?
4. On that note, I have a big grievance with having to try and be somewhat fiscally responsible. I could run up more credit card debt and go more places…but eventually it catches up with you, it seems. So, yeah, pretty shitty. Gotta stay home more and save money.
5. You know who really irritates me? Steve Ott. If you do not know who that is, you are better off for it.
6. David Stern, I have loads of grievances with you. Most of all how you have continually attempted to submarine the NBA with your ego. First you prolong the lockout, then you intentionally fuck over the Lakers when they execute a perfectly legal trade for Chris Paul. Fuck you, David Stern. And fuck the owners for colluding against the Lakers. Don’t hate because they’re successful and you all fail at everything.
7. You know, I woke up the other morning, and it was in the 30s as I was going to work. That’s too damn cold! I have a big issue with cold weather. Just be sunny and 70 already!
8. Antti Niemi, you are my biggest grievance of all. Your terrible goaltending and bloated, undeserved contract is going to cost the Sharks many more chances at winning the Stanley Cup. The fact that no one seems to realize this irritates me all the more! Comeon Sharks, get us a real goaltender!
9. Terrible drivers are a very real grievance. People who get on the freeway going 40. People who change lanes to cut me off, and then don’t speed up. Traffic for no reason. Oh, I see it all…and I yell at them. It can’t be good for my health to have to put up with these clowns. How the hell do they get driver’s licenses anyways? Someone is failing at their job on that one.
10. I have a big grievance with the U.S. for many, many things. Their unabashed printing of money, their bailing out of the banks, their unsustainable rate of debt creation…those all bother me to no end. Their ridiculous “war on drugs” gnaws at me. Why is marijuana illegal? How is it worse than alcohol and cigarettes? Ridiculous. The worst just happened in that it was SIGNED INTO LAW that the military can hold Americans INDEFINITELY AND WITHOUT TRIAL! What the fuck happened to the Bill of Rights in this country??? This country has gotten so screwed up that it would probably take me less time to list the things about this government that ISN’T a grievance of mine. But, to keep this short, I’ll just say that things need to change…and soon.
11. And, finally, my biggest grievance is that the 12 Days of Patmas are almost over. I love putting these together…and I hope you all have fun reading them as well. Just one more day to go! Join in and list your grievances as well! It will leave your soul burden free heading into Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
From my blog to your home, HAPPY FESTIVUS, EVERYONE!
1 comment:
First off, you're welcome to come here on New Years if you'd like. It's not as flashy as Vegas or New Orleans, but it's cheap as hell. Secondly, good grievances. I'll post mine on my blog later today.
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