Note: This is a little late, but I heard about him passing away (wait, no, dying, he said he didn't want to "pass away") in the car heading to the airport for last week's business trip and wasn't in a position to write about him from there.
Today we will look back at one of the greatest comedians of all time (at least in my opinion). George Carlin was funny. Hell, he still is funny. Go back and listen to any of his stand up routines from the past 30 or so years and try not to laugh. He was never the most PC comedian out there. I mean, shit, he was a big part of the expansion of 1st amendment rights in this country with his brash, and often profane brand of humor. Mr. Carlin always found humor in the everyday things no one usually thinks about. As he used to put it "these are the things I think about so you don't have to."
Anyways, I could write about him all day, but it wouldn't do him justice. So, I'll just leave you with some of his own words.
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"It's never just a game when you're winning!"
"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."
"I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free."
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'"
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!"
"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"
"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?"
"What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?"
"Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?"
"Swimming is not a sport; swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!"
"Get on the plane. Get on the plane. I say, Fuck you, I'm getting IN the plane! IN the plane! Let Evil Knievel get ON the plane! I'll be in here with you folks in uniform! There seems to be less WIND in here!"
"I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!"
"If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?"
"I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade."
And his most famous of routines... "There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits."
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