Eh, its as good a reason as any!
Evolution is a broad term. It's a theory...
On a smaller scale its change over time...improvements in technology and science. For super important purposes...
It's the greatest heel stable of the last 20 years...
Evolution is everywhere. And it's indisputable. Well, unless you're more a fan of the flying spaghetti monster...
I guess what I'm trying to say is, evolution is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And as a person, I'm constantly trying to evolve myself into a better, more complete, and more worthwhile human being.
The obvious changes I've made are physical...but I'd rather not talk about those. Not because they are not important...being healthy so I live long enough to have kids and see them grow up is super important...but moreso because I've talked about it AT LENGTH! I lost 120 pounds...ok, great, moving on.
The evolution I want to look at is an attitude thing. Once upon a time, Patrick was a very angry, selfish, not so self-aware young man. He hated change. He would whine, complain, and wasn't very pleasant to be around. There's something about being fat and surly that is really unattractive to everyone around you.
When I sat down to reassess my life a few years ago...I not only realized I needed to be a healthier person, I needed to be a better person overall. So at 26 years old, I pushed the reset button on my life. I had always cared about people, and always wanted to be a nice guy...but I had never really been the type to put in the effort to do so. I was lazy...in both activity and attitude. That needed to change.
It's about that time two things happened. First, I read the Tao Te Ching. I learned about The Way...about taking life as it came, only worrying about things you could control, and generally not getting so worked up over life. So I took a step back and decided to enjoy myself. I also started reading about the other Eastern Philosophies...and especially fell in love with the idea of karma. You know, basiclaly, what goes around comes around. But applied in a nicer way (instead of focusing on the negative...which was something I ALWAYS used to do)...
I figured this was a much better, healthier, and happier way to live my life. So, I took the things I read to heart, and did my best to apply them to my everyday life! Still do...
The second thing that happened is my mom got cancer. I mean, she ended up being fine...they got it out, no radiation...I talked about all this at the time. But something like that...it hits you in a certain way. I'm actually not sure I've ever told anyone, even my mom, what her diagnosis and ordeal meant to me and my evolution as a person. Not only did I realize that maybe I hadn't been the best son over the years...but I also realized life is short. When my mom had her surgery, loads of people dropped by to see how she was doing, to chat with my dad and me, and were genuinely concerned with her well being. She was such an amazing person in her life, that people actually cared enough about her to make an effort to come out and see her and worried about her well being. I realized that, outside of my immediate family, I wasn't sure I had fostered that kind of love in my life. So I set out to be a better person. I wanted to be there for people who needed me. I wanted people to enjoy spending time around me. Maybe its a legacy thing...but if I end up meeting an early demise (like hell, I'm gonna live forever), I'd like for people to care about it, and to remember me somewhat fondly! Seems like a worthwhile goal...
So a few years after I pushed the reset button on my life, its interesting to look back and see if anything has changed. Honestly, I'm not sure it has. I mean, I'm definitely putting in more of an effort to be a worthwhile guy to have around...I'm just not sure it changed anything in the way everyone else sees me. Then again, I hate talking about myself with other people (part of my whole thing with having been a selfish asshole back in the day, I try to avoid overly egocentric conversation...except on my blog, because you should all know what you're getting into when you check in here! Haha...). So who knows what they think! I do know I'm much happier. I feel like I live life with this buzzing, positive energy around me all the time. And this suits me well. If you've ever seen me bouncing around Disneyland, or hopping up stairs three at a time, or just sitting there with a ridiculous shit-eating grin on my face...I can't help it! Life is good...despite the ups and downs.
Honestly, I've had a pretty easy life, depsite the pressures I put on myself to be better. I've been unlucky in some things, but I've never been without family, friends, or any sort of support system. It just came time for me to become an active part of that support system rather than a passenger, I guess. I have very little to truly complain about in life. I may go off on feeling unappreciated a times, or about some random tangent...but really, I lead a happy, healthy life...and I have my evolution process to thank for that!
I plan to keep constantly evolving...never satisfied with how far I've come...always striving to get better. Eventually, I may even become someone worth keeping around! Hey, we all have dreams! :)
Anyways, thank you for indulging me on this completely egocentric, solipsistic, self-aggrandizing (and meandering) blog post. I just felt like writing today, I guess! I'll get back to writing about how much the government hates us, or posting pictures from awesome trips, or discussing my training and races soon enough. Hopefully I'll keep blogging more in general...this place has been far too quiet for my tastes lately!
2 comments:
Very interesting. It's been fun to watch you evolve. I think you would be surprised at how many people care about you. We all keep evolving. I certainly do. it's part of life.
There's a lot that surprises me in life...
I guess I'm more referring to my peer group rather than the adults who watched me grow up. That's more of a "they care about me through my parents" kind of thing. Wait, did I say people don't care about me? I don't think I did...that wasn't the intent of the post, anyways. Well, not exactly. The intent was moreso that I'm doing my best to turn myself into someone WORTH caring about...a noble goal in life, and one that I'll continue to pursue forever. If you aren't going forward, you're going backwards. And eventually people will notice...
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