In Memoriam...The Legendary DPG

If I was to put a list together of all the weddings I've ever been to, and all the funerals I've been to...well, the list would be a lot closer to even than I'd like it to be. Some of these have been harder than the others...and not a single one has been from someone dying just of old age (yes, my grandpa was old when he died, but he died from cancer...not old age).  A few of these have hit me particularly hard over the years...Steven Stramback, Chris Piccardo...and Dennis Gerhart, who died 4 years ago today.

Insane how time flies, as this seems like it wasn't that long ago.  But, 4 years.  Its been 4 years since my best friend and brother's dad took his own life.  When Bubba told me about it, it hit like a bombshell.  At the time, I wrote a blog about it, and said as much.  I said I was shocked, I said I didn't understand how someone could do this, leave their family like this.  Time, as it tends to do, gives us all perspective.

DPG had some health problems through the years.  A few heart attacks.  He had some brain tumors removed back before I knew him.  Issues with his eyes, head, heart...but he always seemed to bounce back, at least in my eyes.  I can't speak anywhere near authoritatively about this.  However, the DPG I knew was a funny son of a bitch.  His crude brand of humor meshed very well with my sometimes warped view of what's acceptable and funny.  He was always good for a few jokes. I'll definitely miss that.

I want to revisit two things I said at the time about the whole situation.  Now that I have the perspective of time, its possible my views have changed on the topic.

First, I said the following:  “It irritates me that someone as seemingly level headed as DPG would think this was the best option. To me, suicide is the selfish, easy way out. You don't have to deal with any consequences and everyone you loved does. It's a pussy way out, but DPG was no pussy. He was a tough tough man. And this scares me. I don't know why, though.”

First, I still believe that suicide is selfish.  Not really the way I’d choose to go about things.  If I have to die at a young age, from disease or whatnot, I’m going to hang on as long as I can…give me as much time as possible to see my family (should I be lucky enough to have one someday), for them to see me, for us to have every last possible moment together.  But, I cannot speak for everyone.  And, at least in DPG’s case, I’m not as convinced that this was such a selfish act.  The reasons he did it were to spare his family having to take care of him should his disease spread further.  And he planned everything out to make sure things were as taken care of on this end as they could be before he left.  He was very clear headed about the whole thing, and it really never seemed to be about himself.  I still don’t agree with the ultimate decision, but in its own way, its kind of noble.

I do know why this scared me, though.  Suicide is an easy way out of personal problems.  I always thought of it as something someone weak would do (and please just trust me that I might be more qualified to speak on this than you might think).  But DPG was not weak.  And if someone as strong as him could come to the conclusion that this was the only way…well, it makes it a lot more real.  Everyone is susceptible to these kinds of thoughts…and acting on them, it seems.  When the strong falter, it makes those not as strong question the world.  However, and this is where the perspective of time comes in, I’m no longer worried about it.  Everyone is different.  And I feel like I better understand DPG’s reasoning now than I did in the heat of the moment.  Nothing to really worry about.  Still sucks, though…

I also said this, which I still believe:  “He's going to need me more in a few days anyways, one the shock wears off and there's nothing more to do to deal with the situation. Those will be the toughest times. Once all the people go back to their lives, and Bubs is left to run a company on his own that he once ran with his father. Those times will be just as tough.” 

Every year on this day, Bubba has a drink with his dad, and seems a little agitated.  He doesn’t take it out on the kids, his family, or those around him…but its there.  The friends and acquaintances don’t get to see this part.  I know it still eats him up…and this is where I try my best to just be there for my best friend.  It’s the times after, down the road, where people are needed. 

Turns out that I was with Bubba the last time anyone saw DPG alive.  He was at the office on a Saturday, said he was doing paperwork.  In hindsight, we know he was leaving behind notes, making sure things were in order before he departed this world.  Its both a stunningly logical, and highly thoughtful…and kind of scary.  He talked to us just like normal, even though he knew what he was going home to do the next night!  I just don’t understand how someone can be that calm in the face of their own imminent death.  But that was DPG as well (at least, the DPG I knew)…a man of his word, and a man that, once his mind was made up, nothing would deter him from that action.

DPG, from what I can tell, was a great father to Bubba.  And, even in death, did so for noble reasons.  He knew he had brain cancer again, knew it wasn’t something he wanted to go through again, or put his family through.  He set his son up for success with the company he was leaving him, planned things out meticulously, and left things in the best possible shape.  I still think it wasn’t the best choice he could have made…and that Bubba would have been better served having his father around…but, at least in this case, I’m having a hard time seeing it as a truly selfish act.

So, here’s to you, DPG!  You are definitely missed down here.  Hope you found the peace you were looking for.