Why We Need a Zombie Attack...

So I took a quiz the other day on if I would survive the Zombie Apocalypse. It said I would, because I am a badass. I immediately liked this quiz. I took another quiz that said I would have a 46% chance of surviving the Zombie Wars. I liked this quiz less. It didn't even ask me if I was a Republican or not. This, to me, seems like an important question to ask. It is also this question that leads me to my point...we need a Zombie attack to save America.

Zombies are the undead...reanimated corpses...they like to eat your brains...they are formed when Worcester Sauce gets mixed in with enbalming fluid...etc. The best way to destroy them is probably by cutting them down in a hail of gunfire (I am not a zombie expert, so I'm open to corrections...as long as those corrections only further prove my point...otherwise I don't care). So, if I were to survive a Zombie Attack, I'd head to a place with lots and lots of guns. Who has lots of guns? Republicans, thats right! (Also, people who live in Oakland have lots and lots of guns, but that doesn't help my point) Thus, who is going to survive when the Zombies come calling? Exactly!

A good sized zombie attack will probably take out a good majority of the Democrats in this country. With the Republican party in the state its in right now (don't get me started...as far as I'm concerned, everyone's a retard right now), the only way they will ever win an election in the near future is if a bunch of Democrats are suddenly neutralized. But you can't just go around killing Democrats. Some of them are good people! But you can't get blamed if Zombies start attacking the population. Zombies don't care if you are Republican or Democrat...they just want to eat your brains. However, Republicans are much better equipped to fend off a Zombie attack, due to their affinity for guns. Thus, it stands to reason that more Democrats would be overtaken by the Zombies than Republicans. If it is a wide-sweeping attack on the coasts (leaving middle-america alone), then the Republicans could actually gain some traction! Unfortunately, it would actually probably take two or three big Zombie Attacks to make the kind of difference Republicans need to actually be relevant again.

Sigh...I just made myself sad. I think I'll go out and buy some more guns. ;)