I like to separate out sports stories for two reasons. 1) Sports stories probably don’t belong in the news stories section since they have no real bearing (usually) on the world at large, and 2) I love sports. These won’t all be stories. My Athlete and Team of the year will be included here as well. Let’s get to it!
Special Pre-#1 for being so important to America: Joey Chestnut eats a WORLD RECORD 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes to win Nathan's July 4 hot dog eating contest. Chestnut brought the coveted Mustard Belt back to America from super-star Kobayashi, prompting the announcer to scream, “This is a great day for America!”
1. Mike Vick pleads guilty to financing dog fighting and killing dogs; gets sentenced to 22 months in jail: This is a HUGE story. Michael Vick was one of the top 5 most popular players in the entire NFL. And now he’s going to spend 2-3 seasons behind bars. I won’t go into specifics about the case here, but Vick was definitely the biggest sports star to be brought down in years.
2. Barry Bonds is Indicted for Perjury and Obstruction of Justice: If Vick was the biggest sports star to get brought down in a long time this year, Bonds very well may take that crown next year. The Home Run King was indicted by Federal Grand Jury for lying about his involvement with BALCO and his potential past use of steroids and other PEDs. This came mere months after he broke the baseball all time home run record. This will be a story to follow throughout the next year.
3. Duke University Lacrosse Case Collapses: These kids were lambasted in the media, and then, oops, they didn’t actually do anything wrong and their accuser is a crack whore who has tried to pull this shit in the past. The D.A. on the case ended up getting disbarred for pushing this case so voraciously. Here are four kids who’s lives were turned upside-down by baseless allegations. I guess this goes to prove that you probably shouldn’t party with crack whores.
4. Team of the Year: Golden State Warriors. You know what, yes, I’m being a homer here. But, honestly, if a team can get me (an avowed hater of the NBA) excited to watch NBA basketball, then they deserve accolades! The Warriors stunned the Mavericks in the first round of the NBA playoffs, becoming the first 8 seed to beat a 1 seed in a 7 game NBA playoff series. Ever! This season they’re back on the warpath. No only that, but their playoff slogan “We Believe” started a new national fad. It’s been ripped off more times than a 7-11. In terms of victories, trend setting, and pure excitement, the Warriors were far and away the team of the year!
5. Spygate: The Patriots got caught cheating during their first game of the 2007 season. They were taping the Jets’ defensive signals and relaying them to the QB. All of a sudden, Tom “Jackhole” Brady knew exactly what defense he’d be facing on every play. No wonder he’d been doing so well this year! In response to getting caught, Bill Belicheat decided to run up the score on all the crappy teams his team faced this year…converting 4th downs and keeping his starters in and throwing the ball well into the 4th quarter up by 30, 40, or even 50 points. Just classless. The NFL hasn’t seen classlessness like this, well, probably ever. It’s like Belicheat was trying to punish the league for catching him cheating. What a jackass. I sincerely hope they get the shit kicked out of them in the playoffs. And that Tom Brady dies. That is all.
6. Athlete of the Year: Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl, and was named the MVP. He led the comeback against the Patriots in the AFC Championship game to get them there, and then finished off the Bears to erase the “can’t win the big game” tag he’d been wearing. Then he turned it into more endorsement deals than anyone else in the NFL. Seriously, he has to be LOADED now. But yeah, on top of winning the Super Bowl, Manning is the anti-Tom Brady. He plays with class, gives to charity, donates his time to help those less fortunate (did you see him in New Orleans after Katrina…he spent loads of time and money down there…where was Brady? Probably fucking Bridget Moynahan so he could knock her up and leave her with his baby for a supermodel). Peyton’s teams do not run up the score…he would never allow it. And Manning doesn’t have to cheat to be the best QB of our era.
7. Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron’s All-Time HR Record: Bonds is the new Home Run king, and he probably did it on steroids and HGH. But, you know what, fuck it. He still had to hit all those homers. You know who else took steroids? Adam Piatt. Do you know who he is? Exactly! Barry Bonds is the best hitter of the “steroids era” and his record is as legit as any other records of this era or before. Every era has its black mark. This is still an accomplishment, no matter how you look at it. And no, I don’t like Barry Bonds. He’s a jackass. But I can still admire his skill!
8. The Mitchell Report Gets Released: This thing was pretty useless. I read through it, and it was an interesting read on how steroids got so engrained in baseball’s culture. It named some names, but really, most of the names had been named before…and most of the names came from the word of mouth of two guys: the old Mets batboy, and Clemens’ personal trainer. Lots of hearsay in the report (“yeah, this one guy told me that his teammate once talked to Player X about steroids…thus Player X is in the report”). It seems to have been an excuse to run some people through the dirt, and some people might be forever tainted by this despite not doing anything wrong. Also, like everyone did steroids. Baseball should be focusing on how to clean it up, not on what happened in the past.
9. Don Imus Gets Fired: He called the Rutgers University Women’s Basketball Team a bunch of “nappy headed hoes.” I just wanted to type nappy headed hoes. I could really care less about this story…10. The Rockies ride an improbably wave of momentum into the World Series: They won like 22 of 23 games to steamroll into the World Series. But they were too good, and had a 9 day layoff between the NLCS and the World Series. A red hot Red Sox team, fresh off a 7 game series with the Indians, rolled right through the cooled off Rockies. So sad. They were fun to watch.
Special Pre-#1 for being so important to America: Joey Chestnut eats a WORLD RECORD 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes to win Nathan's July 4 hot dog eating contest. Chestnut brought the coveted Mustard Belt back to America from super-star Kobayashi, prompting the announcer to scream, “This is a great day for America!”
1. Mike Vick pleads guilty to financing dog fighting and killing dogs; gets sentenced to 22 months in jail: This is a HUGE story. Michael Vick was one of the top 5 most popular players in the entire NFL. And now he’s going to spend 2-3 seasons behind bars. I won’t go into specifics about the case here, but Vick was definitely the biggest sports star to be brought down in years.
2. Barry Bonds is Indicted for Perjury and Obstruction of Justice: If Vick was the biggest sports star to get brought down in a long time this year, Bonds very well may take that crown next year. The Home Run King was indicted by Federal Grand Jury for lying about his involvement with BALCO and his potential past use of steroids and other PEDs. This came mere months after he broke the baseball all time home run record. This will be a story to follow throughout the next year.
3. Duke University Lacrosse Case Collapses: These kids were lambasted in the media, and then, oops, they didn’t actually do anything wrong and their accuser is a crack whore who has tried to pull this shit in the past. The D.A. on the case ended up getting disbarred for pushing this case so voraciously. Here are four kids who’s lives were turned upside-down by baseless allegations. I guess this goes to prove that you probably shouldn’t party with crack whores.
4. Team of the Year: Golden State Warriors. You know what, yes, I’m being a homer here. But, honestly, if a team can get me (an avowed hater of the NBA) excited to watch NBA basketball, then they deserve accolades! The Warriors stunned the Mavericks in the first round of the NBA playoffs, becoming the first 8 seed to beat a 1 seed in a 7 game NBA playoff series. Ever! This season they’re back on the warpath. No only that, but their playoff slogan “We Believe” started a new national fad. It’s been ripped off more times than a 7-11. In terms of victories, trend setting, and pure excitement, the Warriors were far and away the team of the year!
5. Spygate: The Patriots got caught cheating during their first game of the 2007 season. They were taping the Jets’ defensive signals and relaying them to the QB. All of a sudden, Tom “Jackhole” Brady knew exactly what defense he’d be facing on every play. No wonder he’d been doing so well this year! In response to getting caught, Bill Belicheat decided to run up the score on all the crappy teams his team faced this year…converting 4th downs and keeping his starters in and throwing the ball well into the 4th quarter up by 30, 40, or even 50 points. Just classless. The NFL hasn’t seen classlessness like this, well, probably ever. It’s like Belicheat was trying to punish the league for catching him cheating. What a jackass. I sincerely hope they get the shit kicked out of them in the playoffs. And that Tom Brady dies. That is all.
6. Athlete of the Year: Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl, and was named the MVP. He led the comeback against the Patriots in the AFC Championship game to get them there, and then finished off the Bears to erase the “can’t win the big game” tag he’d been wearing. Then he turned it into more endorsement deals than anyone else in the NFL. Seriously, he has to be LOADED now. But yeah, on top of winning the Super Bowl, Manning is the anti-Tom Brady. He plays with class, gives to charity, donates his time to help those less fortunate (did you see him in New Orleans after Katrina…he spent loads of time and money down there…where was Brady? Probably fucking Bridget Moynahan so he could knock her up and leave her with his baby for a supermodel). Peyton’s teams do not run up the score…he would never allow it. And Manning doesn’t have to cheat to be the best QB of our era.
7. Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron’s All-Time HR Record: Bonds is the new Home Run king, and he probably did it on steroids and HGH. But, you know what, fuck it. He still had to hit all those homers. You know who else took steroids? Adam Piatt. Do you know who he is? Exactly! Barry Bonds is the best hitter of the “steroids era” and his record is as legit as any other records of this era or before. Every era has its black mark. This is still an accomplishment, no matter how you look at it. And no, I don’t like Barry Bonds. He’s a jackass. But I can still admire his skill!
8. The Mitchell Report Gets Released: This thing was pretty useless. I read through it, and it was an interesting read on how steroids got so engrained in baseball’s culture. It named some names, but really, most of the names had been named before…and most of the names came from the word of mouth of two guys: the old Mets batboy, and Clemens’ personal trainer. Lots of hearsay in the report (“yeah, this one guy told me that his teammate once talked to Player X about steroids…thus Player X is in the report”). It seems to have been an excuse to run some people through the dirt, and some people might be forever tainted by this despite not doing anything wrong. Also, like everyone did steroids. Baseball should be focusing on how to clean it up, not on what happened in the past.
9. Don Imus Gets Fired: He called the Rutgers University Women’s Basketball Team a bunch of “nappy headed hoes.” I just wanted to type nappy headed hoes. I could really care less about this story…10. The Rockies ride an improbably wave of momentum into the World Series: They won like 22 of 23 games to steamroll into the World Series. But they were too good, and had a 9 day layoff between the NLCS and the World Series. A red hot Red Sox team, fresh off a 7 game series with the Indians, rolled right through the cooled off Rockies. So sad. They were fun to watch.
10. The Rockies ride an improbably wave of momentum into the World Series: They won like 22 of 23 games to steamroll into the World Series. But they were too good, and had a 9 day layoff between the NLCS and the World Series. A red hot Red Sox team, fresh off a 7 game series with the Indians, rolled right through the cooled off Rockies. So sad. They were fun to watch.
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