Life is Fragile

"Give us the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable. We will all, at some point in our lives, fall. We will fall. We must carry this in our hearts, that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us, and that when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very soul."

I’m now just entering my mid 20s, and just now looking at the next step in my life. A step that, essentially, will lead me to what I am supposed to do for more time than I have spent getting here. Think about it. You spend just over 20 years as a child, teenager, and college student. 20 years, and then you are “all grown up.” You have a job, you find a family, and you fall into a sort of routine that you are supposed to follow for the next 40 to 50 years.

And I know it is not quite so dramatic, but it sure seems that way. I need to get a job when I graduate, so I can make money, so I can have the means to support myself and live. And I’m supposed to keep doing this for the next 40 years? I’ve spent 23 years of my life changing constantly. 6 years as a small kid, 9 years in grade school, 4 years in high school, 5 years in college. This is a time where there is always something new on the horizon to look forward to, and also the time when you are the most free to do the things you most enjoy.

And now, what’s next? I can look forward to a new job once I get out into the work force. And then? There’s nothing major to look forward to. No major change in your life until you retire, 40 or 50 years down the road. I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Maybe I feel I’ve wasted my free time. I mean, I do some things I like to do, and my family has made sure I get to experience a lot of things and places. But I can’t even begin to imagine not having something in front of me that I’m looking forward to…another step in my life. This is basically it. I’m done. I’m supposed to be a productive member of the society that has trained me.

And then I think of the quote above. Life is fragile. You need to savor every moment and do as much as you can while you can, because you never know when you are going to fall. When you will be tested and not able to do the things you want to because they compromise the things you have to do. And the common answer to the problem I have raised about not being able to do what you want because you have to work is…find something you love doing and work in that field. But what if you do not know what you want to do or what you would love to do? Or, what if you aren’t qualified or hirable in the things you want to do?

Life is fragile in that you can get hurt or killed, yes. But life is also fragile in the time that slips away from you while you are not looking. Life is fragile because even when you are healthy and living, your life is still passing by, moving towards the end, and moving you away from where you were. You take for granted the time you have and what you are doing…and then, it’s gone. And you are left looking back at where the time went and what you are supposed to do now. That’s where I am.

I have no idea what I want to do, or where I want to go. I’m expected to get a job, and I know I will have to. I need to pay the bills. But is that what life amounts to, accumulating bills and working to pay them off? If you work super hard you can get a better job that pays better so you can get better things and provide more for your family…but then you have to work harder and spend more time working so you can’t enjoy your financial rewards. Or you can work in a job that gives you lots of free time, and no money to do anything in that time with. What a quandary.

I don’t know where my life is headed. I can see a few months from now I will be graduated, but I will not be ready to move on from where I am. I will try to find a job around here that will allow me to finish out my time here doing what I am and hanging out with the friends I have here. And I can hopefully use that time to figure out what I’m supposed to do with my life. I believe that every life has a purpose. No matter how short or how long. I’m not overly religious, so I don’t mean this in any Master Plan type way, but more that everyone’s life has a reason for it. There is a reason we are all here, and that reason is different for everyone, and we all take different paths to find it. I just hope that I’m right and I will eventually find my reason for being here; my reason for being a part of this society and this world.