Hi, my name is Patrick Quinn, and I am a nice guy.
It seems like nowadays that being a nice guy is a sort of disease. A disease that needs curing if you are to be happy in this world. Its sad, I know, but the nice guy is a dying breed today.
First, let me characterize what I believe to be a "nice guy." The nice guy is a friend to everyone. He helps out where he can. He's always there is his buddy is having a rough time or a lady needs a shoulder to cry on. The nice guy isn't a dick to anyone and sincerely likes helping others out. He's always up for having fun, and always looks out for those he knows and cares about.
So, why is this such a bad thing in today's college world? Well, first off, the nice guy is constantly taken advantage of. His "buddies' will use him to help them out when they are in a pinch, and then leave him high and dry when he needs someone there for him. They are always called upon and expected to be available to help out. Usually the nice guy will drop what he is doing to help out, even if he really isn't free, but its the expectation that's the kicker. Next, he can't get a girlfriend. He always ends up on the friends ladder with all the girls he meets: "Oh, Pat, he's so nice! He's such a good friend." The girl always hangs out with the nice guy, bitching about her current asshole of a boyfriend to him. She comes to the nice guy to cry on his shoulder when he is a dick to her...and yet never realizes that the nice guy would probably be the best option for her. The nice guy won't bring this up. He will just hope she is happy, even if that happiness isn't found with him.
The nice guy today is used and forgotten. He doesn't have a legitimate shot at true happiness because he is always taken advantage of and overlooked by the girls he loves (or likes, love is hard to obtain). Therefore, the nice guy makes a concentrated effort to change himself. The dick is always out partying and having a good time. He is always with his buddies and always has the girl. The nice guy becomes the dick and finds a new nice guy to take advantage of and a new girl to be mean to. Thus, the nice guy is a dying breed. No one wants to be a nice guy, and who can blame them? This isn't much of a life. What is there to look forward to, being taken advantage of and not finding a girl to spend his life with? No thanks!
And after all of this, there are still a few of us left. A few of us are still here torturing ourselves as the nice guy, either because the don't know how to change or don't want to. If you ask me, I shouldn't have to change who I am to be happy. I'm not the only one. I know a few nice guys here in Davis who won't (or haven't) change(d). Yes, they are all single, and they are all taken advantage of sometimes. However, they also have a good group of friends who appreciate them. So, not all is bad for the nice guy, and I believe that change is right around the corner.
So, to all the nice guys out there, I offer this: our time will come. People will grow up and learn to appreciate us. The dicks will fade into the background; and nice guys, the few genuine people of this world, will find ultimate happiness.
At least, I sincerely hope this to be true. Only time will tell...
6 comments:
First off I don't think a "nice guy" would publicly make a post like this. By the definition of a nice guy, a nice guy wouldn't post something to let others know he was upset with them for the way he was being treated. Secondly this seems more like a self pitying post about being rejected by a girl. To which I would say girls don't like guys who whine all the time. Girls and guys want to date someone who is confident in themselves and proud of who they are. This cannot be a one time thing. Don't expect to act differently one time and expect the whole world to change the way they see you. Or two times for that matter. Oh and for God’s sake tell the girl how you feel about her, don't post it on a blog for them to read because we all know who you’re talking about anyways and if they don't feel the same way about you, move on. Living in self pity only makes things worse and won't change how they feel about you. Worry more about making something of your life and see if along the way you find your soul mate, and if you don't, at least you can be happy with yourself.
Interesting post anonymous...although the intent of this post isn't about girls solely...its about everything in general. And no, there is no one girl in mind for this. Actually, there is no girls I'm currently "smittin" on (if you will), nor any girl that has "rejected" me, so I don't see how you whould think this is for anyone in particular to read. And since I'm assuming you know me since you read this, I would hope you knew this.
This is definately not a self pitying post. Actually, I end on a positive note saying we (nice guys on a whole) don't need to change who we are. Nice guys traditionally HAVE been taken advantage of and used, this is not speculation. However, they usually end up better off in the end. And I think this is the point of this particular piece.
Also, I never once said I am upset with people for acting in the manner I described. I just stated it as how it is. I don't think anyone would like to be used and taken advantage of, so of course there is a negative connotation, but only because the act is negative. I never once condemn anyone.
Good points on both posts about being happy with oneself. None of what I described should affect how one feels about themselves. Happiness does come from within and from what you make of yourself. However, not everyone knows this, and something like what I have described could really upset someone. If I came across as not being happy with myself, then I apologize. I am happy with myself. I actually don't get taken advantege of for the most part, and I don't get used by girls as a "shoulder" since I'm actually very shy and don't get that close to most girls. This is a more general piece than just talking about myself. I use myself as an example since that's who I know.
Oh, and a nice guy with a medium as such may post something like this. When you write, you write about what you know. And even if not all of this applies to me, I can speak from the perspective of what I have seen and heard and go from there. Don't for a second think I'm looking for pity or complaining about my place in the world, because I am not.
I do appreciate your criticism, though. Hopefully my reply clears some things up, as I think you got the wrong impression of this piece.
Thanks, and keep reading!
Hey Buddy,
I truly agree with what your dad says in the second half of his reply. I think that you must love yourself before others will love you. The happier you are with yourself, and the more stimulated and interesting a person you are to yourself, the more others will be interested in you. Take care bro. I'll prolly catch you next week sometime!
Hey Pat, you are a nice guy and I promise you your day will come, it sucks but it takes a little longer for girls to realize that. I've dated some assholes (date's a lose term, but yeah) and it was never very long, and I always end up finding the nice guy in the end. Girls surprisingly go through the same problems. Nice girls find it hard to find someone who sees them as more than a bud or a sister. I think in the end, we just find someone who clicks best with us, even if we have to go through a lot of hard times to get there. And as for whoever said you were doing a self pity post, don't listen to them, this is your blog, your feeling and thoughts and if we choose to read them than that's our choice. You don't have to entertain or whatever which is how I try to write every post I do anymore. I feel very fortunet to get to know more of what goes on in your head and I don't want you to change that.
-Julie
PS-I still have the Harden bobblehead with your name on it.
Wow, you sound great. Want to go out with me sometime? :) LOL, but seriously, I know it's a hard road, I myself being the nice-girl-gone-bad-then-back-but-not-all-the-way. Both sides of the coin have their pros and cons, and I have to say that the happy union of both niceness and the confidence to stand up for yourself when need be is the best way to deal with life. I just saw your profile on Myspace, and thought I would check out your other blog...I'm impressed with the writing style! And if that says anything about the person you are, well...enough said. Talk to you later! Stef
Nice guys not only make the best friends, they make the best lovers and husbands.
--Married to a nice guy
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