MMR: The Legend of Vikingstad

The gods grew restless. They were tired of this sport being overlooked. Hockey, as it turns out, is the one sport created by the gods. And, how could it not be? With the perfect blend of speed, skill, toughness, and power, hockey is clearly a game that could only be thought up by the gods themselves.

However, hockey had yet to gain much traction in the U.S. Canadians loved the sport, but who really gives a shit about Canadians? That wasn't going to help them in their quest for hockey to take over the sports landscape.

The gods called a summit, and at it, decided to send down a special player. A player created by the gods, with the sole purpose of gaining traction for a sport in a different region of the world. This player would be tall, but not too tall. He would be strong. He would be skilled. And he would have the most epic name in all of sports.

Thus, Tore Vikingstad was born.

Vikingstad was 6'3" of pure, unadulterated manliness. Anyone who hit him was sent sprawling to the ice. Anyone who got in his way would find themselves on the IR. He had a slapshot that could impregnate women. His smile wet all panties in a 50 mile radius.

When he was created, Vikingstad was brought before the gods and told of his quest. He needed to become a star. And he needed to do so somewhere outside of Canada (where his manliness could not be appreciated). It was decided he should play hockey for Norway at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Norway, being traditionally poor at hockey, would allow a beast like Tore to stand out. Also, Norway was in the same bracket of the opening pool play as Canada and the U.S., and he would thus get plenty of press.

Vikingstad was given a gift to help him complete his quest. A hockey stick forged by the hammer of Thor himself! Armed with this weapon, his indelable manliness, and undeniable good looks, Tore Vikingstad took off for the Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver as a member of the Norwegian Hockey Team.

Unfortunately, his first game against Canada did not go as planned. While everyone knew Canada would win the game, the gods hoped Vikingstad could make a name for himself early with a goal or two. But Norway never got a chance to score, and they were shutout. This made Tore angry. And the U.S. was up next! In this game, Norway scored a goal! But were once again defeated. Vikingstad got two penalties in this game, though. And this just made him angrier.

Next up was Switzerland, the final team they would face in group play. And with Norway looking like a one and done team in the next round, it was now or never for Tore. The gods called him up for a little chat before this last game, urging him to use his hockey powers to take over the game. Telling him he was destined for greatness, but only if he realized the greatness in himself.

Tore responded. Using his pent up anger, motivation from the gods, and the stick forged by Thor himself, Tore scored a hat trick against brilliant Swiss goalie Jonas Hiller. His first goal tied the game at 1, his second goal tied the game at 3, and his final goal, and possibly his most brilliant of all goals, tied the game at 4 and sent it into overtime.

And with this hat trick against one of the best goalies in the world, the name of Tore Vikingstad became well known the world over. Overnight, a Vikingstad craze had cropped up. Everyone wanted to see him play! Everyone wanted to talk to him! Just as the gods had envisioned, Vikingstad had become a hockey legend.

In Norway's first game of the single elimination medal tournament, they were matched up against Slovakia. No one expected Norway to compete in this game, but people tuned in anyways to watch Vikingstad on the ice. The way his skate blades cut perfectly across the sheet of ice was poetry in motion. His bone crunching hits on the boards gave his team a spark of momentum every time he landed them.

With Vikingstad at the helm, the Norwegian team put up a hell of a fight. When Slovakia had scored late in the first to make it 3-1, Vikingstad put the team on his back, and, instead of getting discouraged, scored a goal in the second to bring the score back to 3-2. Norway scored again at the end of the second to tie it up, and the game was on!

In the third period of this game, Vikingstad did everything in his power to get his team an unlikely win. He hit Slovakians without mercy. He fired the puck on net. He screened the goalie. No one scored while he was on the ice. But, unfortunately, Slovakia did score in the third, and try as he might, Slovakian goaltender Jaroslav Halak was just too good, and Norway fell one goal short of shocking the world.

The legend of Vikingstad grew, though. Even though his team was out, people continued to talk about him. When the hockey tournament went on to be one of the most watched in history, Vikingstad was a part of that. He grabbed people's initial attention, and between him, and the U.S. vs. Canada gold medal game, hockey was back on the map!

His work done, Vikingstad ascended back up with the gods. A mere mortal at the beginning of the hockey tournament, Vikingstad had now become the Norge God of Hockey.

Vikingstad still plays hockey in Germany, where he is clearly the best player in the German league. But he only does that for recreation and fun. His days of using his impregnating slap shot and panty wetting smile to get hockey more fans is over. Only time will tell what kind of lasting effect Vikingstad had on the game of hockey. Will the new viewers from the Olympics keep watching? Will Tore come back and help the sport out again? This, we do not know. But at least for one week, there was only one man in the world of hockey who mattered, and he had the manliest name of all: TORE VIKINGSTAD!