Things and Stuff

Time for some random musings. No real point to this other than to see whats on my mind and such.

~The NWS says its supposed to get down to 31 degrees tonight...and 29 tomorrow night. THATS FRIGGIN COLD!!!!! I miss the summer already. Especially since we don't run the heater in this house and the insulation sucks, so my room is currently 58 degrees and I havent had the windows open in a few weeks. Cold? Yeah, I think so...

~I saw Pick of Destiny last night, and it was hilareous. But, word of warning, if you are planning on seeing it at all, I suggest you get baked beforehand. It was totally a stoner movie. I enjoyed it sober nonetheless.

~You know, I've always wondered how many people actually read this. So, if you read this, drop me a comment this time. Even if you have never commented before. I just wanna know how widespread (or not widespread) my readership is. Sometimes I have the feeling there's like 40 or 50 ppl who check in here. And sometimes I think theres like 5 (you know, my parents and then a random person here and there). This kind of knowledge could come in useful for me down the road.

~Have you ever been asked the question "would you rather have love or money"? I see it all the time on those stupid survey things that float around MySpace and in other little things from time to time. They question is totally stupid though, because the obvious answer is BOTH! The two aren't exclusive from one another. We don't have to choose between the two. My parents have money and they love eachother! I know the question is supposed to be what would you rather have IF you could only have one, but I don't play that way. So what if I want it all?

~Unfortunately, I may get neither. Such is life...

~Luckily I'm still young. Well, not that young. But...dammit. Now I'm getting depressed. Stupid being 23. I wish I could be 18 again and start this whole college thing over.

~But I can't and now I am but a few weeks away from graduation. Graduation is supposed to be a happy time, a time of great honor and accomplishment. How come I don't feel this way? I feel dread at the real world to come, and I don't feel like I have accomplished anything. Graduating college was never an if, it was a when. I have a hard time seeing accomplishment in something I've been expected to do since birth and anything less would be seen as failure. Its like breathing, so not do so would be failure (at life), but doing so is no great accomplishment. It's what you are supposed to do. Its not like I'm graduating with high honors or some amazing job or am going to grad school or whatever. I guess I just don't see the great value in what I've done over the past 4+ years. It really isn't that big a deal in my eyes.

~I am looking forward to not having any more papers to write or midterms/finals to study for, though.

~So, apparently the greatest feeling in life is to be loved and to have someone to love in return. I wouldn't know, but its supposed to be great! Personally, I've been single for like 5 years now, and I kinda wanna test out this theory. Unfortunately, you cannot go looking for love, and you cannot force it. Apparently its supposed to fall in your lap one day, when you least expect it. If you try to force things like this, then it will blow up in your face and you will get nowhere. Excellent. Something I don't have to worry about then, right? Well, tell my damned brain that!

~If the movies have taught me anything, I need to have some chance meeting where something stupid happens and we bump heads while I am helping her pick up something she dropped when we bumped into eachother coming out of the supermarket and our eyes meet and some music starts playing in the background for everyone else to listen to even though we can't hear it and then we need to dance around one another figuratively for a little bit before we realize we are in love and live happily ever after. TAKE THAT RUN ON SENTENCE GRAMMAR TEACHERS!!!

~I have yet to find a movie that mirrors my life in any way. And this worries me. I clearly am not having a vibrant enough life. My life should be interesting enough to be mirrored on film. I need better writers. Submit applications to 2802 Sycamore.

~We all want to feel loved. We all want to feel needed and wanted. Unfortunately, I think people focus in on the commited relationship aspect of this too much and forget about the friends and family they have who can provide this as well. Yes, a relationship is nice, and great in some cases (see above), but it should never define us. We should not measure ourselves on whether we are in a relationship, or if we are in love or not. Sometimes, just hanging out with your friends can be a great measure of your worth as a person. Im not saying it will replace the relationship, because really, we all strive to be in a lifelong relationship...that is the goal of most social interaction for people, to find the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But too many of my friends define themselves by whether they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or not, or, even worse, let themselved get so consumed by their partners that they forget who they are. You should define your relationships, do not let them define you. This applies to past relationships too. Don't let the past get in the way of the future. If you worry too much about the past, you will miss the great things right in front of your face.

~On the other side of this, sometimes friends are not enough...especially when your friends do not appreciate you or step all over you. In that case, find new friends. True friends are those who stick behind you no matter what, love to hang out with you even when theres nothing to do, and just seeing them brings a smile to your face. A true friend is someone you consider to be family, even though you arent blood relatives. I'd say its pretty hard to find true friends in this world, but it is possible. So, I ask that if you know of anyone who fits this criteria, cherish them, because its rare to find these types of friends.

~God, I'm getting friggin sappy tonight. And while I believe everything I've said above, I struggle with it daily. I believe what I write, but I also get angry when I look at my own life and sometimes it doesnt always add up to what I believe. I talk about having good friends and cherishing them, and sometimes I'm not always the best friend to people. I try to be. And sometimes I feel like people who have been friends to me can also treat me like shit too, and this makes me doubt what I say. And I say not to let relationships, or even the lack of one, define you...but then I look at how I've been single for so long and wonder if theres something wrong with me. I know there isn't, really, other than the fact that I'm super shy, but it is a mental struggle. Bah, enough about me... I've written a ton on all these topics in previous blogs. August 2005 and then last month were both big months for me writing on these topics. Nothing more needs to be said here. You have all heard it before if you have been good little readers...

~Hear that? I don't either. It's silence! My brain is quieting down for the night. All this writing may provide something positive...sleep!