Being the biggest commercial season of the year, the Christmas Season inevitably brings with it Holiday-themed advertising. And, really, for the most part, they are absolutely horrid commercials. I have done painstaking research to hunt down the 5 worst for you to enjoy.
5. JC Penny's Doghouse Commercial. If you give a bad present, you are being THROWN IN THE DOGHOUSE! That's right men, your entire relationship's future hinges on getting them an expensive Christmas gift. If you give them something thoughtful or creative, you are DOOMED! Just get them diamonds from JC Penny and they will love you. Could you imagine if this commercial was reversed, and women were being jailed for being awful gift givers. The uproar would be HUGE. But because its women terrorizing men and judging them based on the gifts they give, its "funny." Sigh...
4. Lexus's December to Remember. Here's a $50,000 dollar car for Christmas...with a HUGE FUCKING BOW on it! Oh my god, I'm so excited. Oh, look, our neighbor got a Lexus for Christmas too! This is totally commonplace!
3. Best Buy Christmas Carol Singing Helpers. These guys sing what you should buy for the people on your Christmas List as if they were singing a Christmas Carol. And this is supposed to be helpful! It's not helpful. At all. It's annoying. I'd walk away, and go to another store. Maybe Costco. Or Circuit City, if they were still around. Anyways, if I ever ask you for a christmas present suggestion, and you try to christmas carol sing it to me, I will buy you mayonnaise that has been opened and left out in the heat for three months. Seriously.
2. All Jewelry Commercials ever. Seriously, these are the most corny, cliche, materialistic commercials ever. Show chicks you love them by buying them super expensive diamonds! And you should use stupidly cliche lines when giving it to them: "I'm right here, and I always will be." Seriously? Hang on... I just threw up in my mouth a little. So, where was i? Right, diamonds. Just a heads up, ladies: I will NEVER, EVER buy you a diamond (not from a jeweler, at any rate). They're a ripoff. They're not rare, not even a little. This whole culture of men buying jewelry for their women in order to illustrate how manly they are was created artificially by DeBeers. And now we have the lovely by-product of materialistic women who actually DO judge people based on their freaking jewelry. There is a time and a place for diamonds...and its called THE WEDDING!
1. The Gap Cheer Squad. I can't believe it, but for the first time ever, something has annoyed me more than diamond commercials. These commercials have to be the most annoying things ever conceived. It's a bunch of clean cut kids trying to act like they are cool by sing-cheering for the holidays, like that will make you want to buy their clothes. Any commercial with the words "go Christmas, go Hanukkah, go Kwanzaa, go solstice," said like a group of annoying cheerleaders would, needs to be hidden away forever. Whenever this horrid monstrosity of a commercial comes across my airwaves, I change the channel, and thank God I'm partially deaf in my right ear.
Anyways, I'm off to the mall tomorrow to buy things I've seen in commercials. Sorry I had to ruin your day by showing these commercials you were hoping to get away from by being online and reading my blog!
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