It's sad, but I can't always come up with original material. Sometimes I just draw a blank. So, today we will look at brilliance that came from the brains of other people than myself. Here's a sampling of some of the greatest things ever uttered by the human race (quotes compiled by PQ and Chaz):
"When I raise my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold on judgment, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will repay those who haze me. Oh, Lord, raise me to Thy right hand and count me among Thy saints." ~Il Duce
“Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.” ~Lao Tzu
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like, look at Hitler, he did stuff, but don't we all just wish he'd stayed home and gotten stoned?" ~Dex
"How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin." ~Ronald Reagan
"Last words are for fools who haven't said enough." ~Karl Marx
"Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king." ~Sideshow Bob
"Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it." ~Confucius
"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." ~Socrates
"Speak softly, and carry a big stick." ~Teddy Roosevelt
"You can get a lot further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word." ~Al Capone
"The tongue like a sharp knife... Kills without drawing blood." ~Buddha
"The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." ~Marcus Aurelius
"Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems." ~Homer Simpson
"The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." ~Plato
"Plato is a bore." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb!" ~Dark Helmet
"Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men." ~Connor and Murphy's Monsignor
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." ~Ernest Hemingway
And, of course, the most brilliant quote (well, more of a rant, really) ever on the awkwardness of first dates: "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair." ~Jeremy Gray
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