MMR: Terrible Super Bowl

It’s time for a good ol’ rant! Since the games ended on Sunday, all I’ve been hearing is how awesome the Steelers vs. the Packers is going to be:

“Oh, Rodgers vs. Roethlisberger. It’ll be such a great matchup between two great QBs!”

“These guys played an amazing game last time they met up.”

“Both teams are so similar, there’s no telling who will win.”

“Steelers and Packers should be one of the Classics!”

Gag me. Fuck the Steelers. And Fuck the Packers. I hate both of these teams and have no desire to see either one of them winning the Lombardi Trophy. And neither should you! Here’s why.

Why You Should Hate the Pittsburgh Steelers:

Well, first off, they have already won 6 Super Bowls as a franchise…including 2 in the last 6 years. This would be a 3rd in the last 6 years. Who wants to see that? That’s not fun in the slightest. They already have the most Super Bowl wins in history…why add to it? Besides, the Niners have 5, and I’d hate for the Steelers to get too far ahead of them. If we’re all mad at the Patriots for winning a bunch with a dickhole QB, well, the Steelers are one Super Bowl away from almost being in that category. At least they didn’t cheat, but they do have a dirty rapist for a QB. How can anyone cheer for Roethlisberger? He got a chick drunk, took her to the bathroom to have sex with her while his buddies ran interference on her friends at the door. SHADY! Yeah, I definitely want to see that hoisting the Lombardi Trophy. Ugh.

Why You Should Hate the Green Bay Packers:

The Packers were the original over-successful franchise in the NFL. Back in the early days of the league, the Packers were the only team that ever won anything. Before the Super Bowl Era, the Packers won NINE CHAMPIONSHIPS! NINE! That’s abysmal. So boring and repetitive. They’ve also won 3 Super Bowls. In the 1960s, they won the NFL Championship 3 times and then the Super Bowl twice. 5 titles in a span of 7 years! And now they want to win another one? God, the media dick sucking over this one will be for the ages! Not to mention, this was the franchise that brought us Brett Favre…the most egomaniacal megalomaniac the league has ever seen! His entire goal in life is to get HIS stats and show up the competition with childish displays of exuberance (usually directed at the opposing sideline) after every mundane touchdown. It’s like, dude, act like you’ve been there before. Not to mention the dick pics he sent to a female staffer while on the Jets. What a douche. Today’s Packers are led by Aaron Rodgers, who is fucking legit. Like seriously, Aaron Rodgers is amazing. But should that let them off the hook for giving us Brett Favre? And if Rodgers wins, all we’ll hear about is Brett Favre anyways. And, really, haven’t we heard enough???

Conclusions:

So, yeah, neither of these teams should be winning a Super Bowl this year…and I plan on cheering for neither of them. Ultimately, I hope both teams look so terrible that the NFL stops the game at halftime. And then after the Black Eyed Peas play, they have a lottery, and award the Lombardi to that team…which, of course, would be the San Francisco 49ers. Then Goodell will apologize to the viewers for the pathetic game, and promise to do better next season!

Yeah, a man can dream. Luckily, I’ll be in Boston at the time. So if it really bothers me, I can skip it and keep being a tourist.

GO NINERS!