MMR: Shanked

The following took place between 7:05:00 and 7:05:45 PM on Saturday May 3.

When Chaz and Q get together, weekend adventures are sure to follow. After seeing an amazing hockey game the night before, the two, sometimes referred to as "the greatest two people in the history of the world," were discussing this very fact as they headed towards HP Pavillion to see a concert. I believe the conversation went something like this:

Chaz: Man, I'm so sexy, I bang so many women its obscene.
Q: I'm a retard and spend all my money on hookers and blow...oh, and Sharks tickets.
Chaz: Why am I so great?
Q: I'm so vain, I look this good for a reason. God, ugly people disgust me.
Chaz: I could easily take Chuck Norris in a fight.
Q: Now you've gone too far!
(actual dialogue may vary)

The conversation got out of hand, and Chaz and Q forgot they were on the mean streets of San Jose. As they approached a crosswalk, 10 cops on bikes descended on the area. Three cop cars squeel to a stop, and 5 other cops repel from helicopters, dropping into the intersection like a SWAT team. Over the loudspeaker we hear, "Don't move, we have you surrounded!" We looked around, and all of a sudden, we see the horrifying sight that has garnered this much police attention.

The man was huge, at least 3 bills. His shirt was off, and he was covered in tattoos. He was mexican, and he was flippin crazy. As he looked around, the cops closed in on him. In a desperate attempt to escape, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a knife. The knife was huge, spring loaded for easy opening, and sharp! The man then made a beeline for our corner of the intersection, completely eluding the 20 or so cops who had come in wearing riot gear.

The knife was pointed at us, and he was headed at us at full speed. If you've never had a shirtless, fat, mexican running at you full speed with a knife pointed straight towards your throat, you are lucky, because it is scary as hell. With little to no time to think, Chaz and Q lept into action. Chaz darted left, and Q split right, just seconds before the knife would have been plunged into one of us. As he passed, Chaz grabbed the arm that held the knife, and Q elbowed him in the back of the head...sending him flying to the sidewalk. Chaz then stomped on the man's hand, forcing him to release his knife, and kicked it away. Finally, the cops showed up and put the man in handcuffs.

Chaz and Q returned to the crosswalk. As the walked away, as if nothing had happened, Q shouted over his shoulder to the cops "nice to see you're doing your jobs!" The cops grumbled, but they knew they had been humbled by "the two greatest people in the history of the world."

As the approached HP Pavillion, Chaz turned to Q and exclaimed, "did you see that? I told you I could take Chuck Norris." Right after he said this, I was distracted by a car horn and 4 beautiful ladies screaming at me and showing me their boobies. Then I heard a thud, a muffled "oh fuck," and turned around to see that Chaz was missing. So, please, Chuck, could you return my friend to me? He didn't mean to disrespect you like that!

(The events listed above may or may not have actually happened.)