Over the past week or two, I've been posting a lot. Most of these posts have had a common thread throughout them: relationships between and with the opposite sex. Couple this with the Nice Guy post, which has a little to do with the opposite sex and a little to do with society in general, and I've seemed to have human interaction on the mind a lot lately. And while I believe what I have written lately to be correct, and have gotten mostly favorable reviews on these pieces (which I truly do appreciate), lately I've been wondering why this has been on the brain so much.
The first thing that comes to mind is the fact that this is a topic that has been discussed at length among the roomies and friends as of late. We've been talking a lot about what it takes to impress a girl, how to act in general with regards to the opposite sex, etc. Everyone has been giving their own points of view on what works best in social situations, and I, of course, added in my two cents. When it came time for me to blog, this was on the brain, so I elaborated on it. But, this can't be the sole reason that I am writing so much on relationships and such. I could be content to talk with the guys on it and be done. But I didn't. I brought it to my own "public" forum. The groundwork for why it is on the brain lately has been laid, but the question still remains, why all the posings?
Next, I'm probably posting all of my thoughts on this subject because I like to write. My blog gives me a creative outlet to voice my opinions and concerns, so I used it to present what was on my mind. We already established why this topic was on the brain. Since I think far too much, I need an outlet to get my thoughts out of my brain. Casual conversation does not suffice. This blog lets me get everything out. It's also a way to seek the opinions of others on what I'm writing about. If I'm way off base in the things I say, I'm sure I'll hear about it. And if I'm right on, I know I'll hear about it. So this is most likely why my thoughts as of late have appeared on the blog. Its an outlet and I was using it as such. I just decided to add a little style to my writing.
OK, we've answered why its on my brain, and why I'm writing all this down...so, why is this bothering me? Why are all these thoughts and theories on the same subject sticking around in my brain? Why am I not content to just post on the topic to clear my head once and move on?
To tell you the truth, I have no idea. This is where I lose it. I can't figure out why it is on the brain so friggin much! One theory presented to me was that I want to be in a relationship. And while this may have some merit, I'm not sure it answers why I would be posting on it so much. I'm definately not going to find a relationship by posting relationship theories on a blog. This would definately break some of the many theories and throughts I have had on this very subject and have been writing about. Another theory is that I've seen many of my good friends in relationships lately, and I'm feeling left out/its in front of me and would therefore be on the mind. This also has some merit, but it's not like I'm feeling jealous of my friends. I guess the friends in question would be Tony and Kent, who both recently (past 3 months or so) entered into relationships for the first time in a long while. However, this has also given me a mixed view on things. Kent's relationship never really amounted to much and is now over. Tony's on the other hand, has been very successful and he is very happy. Maybe I see a little bit of myself in this that both Kent and Tony "broke their relationship droughts" (if you will), whereas I also haven't had a relationship in a long time? Maybe this has a little to do with it, but I just don't see it. It's not like I've been telling myself that its ok I'm not in a relationship because my friends aren't either. I just haven't worried about it lately.
That's all the theories I have. None of them seem to fully answer this dilemma for me, though. Maybe its a little bit of all of them? Who knows. All I know is that I'm worried that I've become obcessed with the topic, and will thus hopefully be backing off and trying to find other things to write about. I would appreciate any input anyone might have as to why all of this has been on the brain lately, so feel free to leave a comment.
One final thing. I have this feeling that all of my posts have some common thread behind them and there is some way it all ties together. I want to write one final piece tying this all together, but I am having trouble finding the common threads between my posts, just a feeling that there should be some. If you guys see any, let me know. It will lead to my final piece on the subject, as I believe it will provide closure.
Thanks for reading all the crap that goes through my head and putting up with me as I explore the relationship philosophies I have. Stay tuned for something completely different (I hope) in the near future.
2 comments:
We all have obsessive thoughts at times; there's nothing unusual about that. You write about this blog being "an outlet to get [your] thoughts out of [your] brain." Using writing to get what's inside of you out into the light of day is probably one of the main reasons that people write. The "theme" I notice in your recent pieces (the only ones I've read) is that of trying to define who you are and who you want to be, as an individual, a human being, a moral person. While the particular flavor lately has been about relationships with the opposite sex ("I Intend to Beat this Disease" being a notable and worthy exception), this topic could easily apply to other areas of your life -- school, work or volunteer involvement, future career, family (a different type of relationship), and other goals you have. So perhaps you might not need the closure you seek, but rather the possibility of expanding your themes into other parts of your life.
Hey buddy. It's true that all your posts are related to just being yourself. It's pretty easy to be yourself too. Perhaps one of the reasons you've been writing all this stuff lately is that it all falls back on being an individual secure in being themself. I think you're a little anxious about graduating from Davis and moving on. I think you're wondering who you are. Maybe all this relationship stuff stems from your desire to be confident, happy and secure with yourself and your life. Just a thought Pat. I'll see you soon man.
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